Be Your Own Editor: Phrases that Do not Belong in Your Writing

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Too often in today's business writing, we scatter our pages with lengthy, awkward phrases that bog down our ideas and turn our reader away. In this article, you will find three types of phrases that belong on your "no fly" list-and examples of how to cut and slash them to reasonable size.

1. Wordy Phrases. Many compound phrases do not compound meaning. They are either repetitive or have one-word equivalents. Frequently, "legalistic" language is an offender; phrases that use too many relative pronouns (who, that, which) cause clutter and confuse your reader. Even articles can be excessive (the word "the" wears out quickly when used excessively in a single sentence). Poor this is to inform you that we have for the sum of in the event that on the occasion of prior to the start of a small number of during the time that due to the fact that in the same way at an early date remember the fact that not in a position most of the time in view of the fact that until such time when we are of the opinion that with reference to without further delay as a result of for the month of December

Improved we have for if on before few while because similarly soon remember unable unusually since when we believe about/regarding now/immediately because for December

2. Infinitive Substitutes. Whenever a phrase substitutes for an infinitive (the verb form with "to" in front of it, giving it no particular tense, person, or subject), the sentence will be longer, and your meaning will be harder to get. Using the infinitive gets to the point sooner and makes your purpose clearer.

Poor In order to be a successful writer, hard work is necessary. He went to the library for the purpose of studying. The employer increased the salaries so that he could improve morale.

Improved Hard work is necessary to be a successful writer. He went to the library to study. The employer increased salaries to improve morale.

3. Obsolete Phrases. Obsolete phrases are simply out-of-date phrases. They contribute to tiresome sentences. They increase sentence length. They come between you and the reader. Need any more reasons to get rid of them? The best way to figure out whether your phrasing is obsolete is to ask yourself, "Would I say it this way if I were talking to this person face to face?" If the answer is no, get out your red pen and find a better way to say it.

Obsolete beg to state as per your communication hoping to hear from you soon, we remain in response to same yours of the 12th awaiting your reply, we are in due course permit me to say that we are in receipt of pursuant to in closing, I'd like to say accordance to our records attach herewith is kindly advice this will acknowledge contents duly noted as stated above

Up-to-Date (omit) as in your e-mail/phone call/letter (omit) in response your e-mail of June 12 (omit) today; tomorrow (or a specific time and date) (permission is not necessary; just say what you wish) we have received (omit) (omit) we find here is please let us know thank you for followed in every detail as I have said

By getting rid of long, awkward phrases, you clear the way for better understanding between you and your reader-so be bold and let the red ink fly.

Courtland L. Bovee, one of America's leading instructors in clear and effective communication, co-authors several leading college-level texts with John V. Thill, a prominent communications consultant and current Chairman and Chief Executive Officer of Global Communication Strategies. Their website, Business Communication Headline News, the #1 business communication site on the web, is at http://www.businesscommunicationheadlinenews

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